A Topic Section of The New Conversations Initiative Communication Skills Global Bookstore

Books available in USA, Canada, UK, Australia, New Zealand, India, China, Germany, France, and Japan in cooperation with HDB’s Global-Find-A-Book Service. This selection of books is brought to you by Human Development Books (HDB) & Global-Find-A-Book, Fairfax, CA, publishers, booksellers and book-finders, sponsors of the www.NewConversations.net web site and publishers of The Seven Challenges Workbook .


Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?
by Jordan Paul, PhD, & Margaret Paul, PhD (Hazelden, 2002)

“This book is built around the concept of courageous honesty and the psychological insight that, in order to feel close, partners need to tell one another the truth about what they are thinking and feeling.  The peace that a couple buys by avoiding difficult issues can eventually destroy the relationship they hope to protect. This book maps a path toward respectful honesty.”
–Dennis Rivers, MA, author of “The Seven Challenges Workbook”

“The most important, useful and powerful book I have read on couple therapy since Virginia Satirs Conjoint Family Therapy. One of the rare books that is both useful to the lay audience and indispensable for the clinician.”
–DENNIS JAFFE, PH.D., author of “Healing From Within”

Publisher’s Description: Arguing with your spouse about the checkbook? The in-laws? Kids’ schedules? Couples think they fight about money, family issues, and time. But what are these conflicts really about? Family therapists Jordan Paul and Margaret Paul reveal how couple discord is often rooted in self-protection. Here, in their best-selling book, they help couples work through fears and false beliefs that block expression of loving feelings. The result? A freer, more joyful, and profoundly intimate relationship.

Amazon review by Jeremy J. Shapiro:  For me this book is one of the most profound and important books I have ever read about relationships and communication. Although it is written as a book about marital relationships, it has implications for every kind of relationship, and not only intimate or dyadic ones. And, although it is written as a pop psychology book, I think it makes a real contribution to the social-scientific understanding of relationships and communication — that is, it stands up well as a general model of communication and relationship. I think it is a great book and would be of great value not only to those trying to solve relationship problems but to those wanting to understand the ways in which self and relationship are intertwined in general. It illuminates all of the areas of one’s life in which one communicates with others and, as another reader said, can be as valuable for understanding past relationships as for dealing with present ones.

Look for this book at your local library, or get more info about this book plus purchase links to many countries at Global-Find-A-Book. Because this book has sold more than a million copies, there are many inexpensive used copies available on AmazonUSA.

book cover thumbnail -- light in the mirrorLight in the Mirror (Ramira Publishing, Aptos, CA. 1995.), by Joyce and Barry Vissell, is subtitled “A New Way to Understand Relationships.” Books of this nature are myriad. What distinguishes the Vissell’s book from others is that it is grounded in the one place that truly creates understanding and thus cooperative communication – the place of vulnerability. Much of the advice and guidance in self-help and mainstream psychology is predicated on communicational technique but technique, absent a true commitment to honesty and self-disclosure about feelings, cannot be effective. For any technique to work, there must be an underlying openness to change which can only happen when two people are willing to share with each other their fears, doubts, uncertainties, shames and guilts – in short – their vulnerability. And this kind of sharing often doesn’t happen because one or both people are afraid the other will use their vulnerability as ammunition during times of disagreement.

While perhaps not explicitly stated, there is a deep implicit spirituality underlying the Vissell’s book which seems to clearly provides the foundation for the faith and trust that must exist in order to be vulnerable with a loved one. Then the chicken and the egg question arises: which has to come first – vulnerability in order to have faith and trust in a partner, or faith and trust in order to be able to be vulnerable?

I invite interested readers to find the answer to this question by reading the Vissell’s book.   Review by Bob Freeman

(Price: appx. $16/new, $6/used.  ISBN: 0961272058. Look for this book at your local library, order from your favorite local bookstore.