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Cooperative Communication Skills -- Online Resource Center

Forgiveness Resources

   

Essays, Books, Links and Free Bumper Sticker


Announcing...

the world's first (so far as I know) print-it-yourself and e-mail it to a friend bumper sticker.  We provide the inspiring message, you provide the sticky stuff.  (Requires the free Adobe Acrobat Reader, a pair of scissors, and 40 inches of 2-inch wide clear packaging tape.) Click on the image below to bring up a full size image of the bumper sticker.  Print image on color printer, cut out and affix to bumper of car with clear packing tape.  To protect the paper from sun and rain, cover both the front and back surfaces of the bumper sticker with high quality, clear packaging tape.  (Will last a month or two, depending on amount of direct exposure to sunlight.)  

 

 

Web sites/essays on forgiveness:

COMPASSIONATE LISTENING  by Kari Thorene
From:  YES! A Journal of Positive Futures - Fall 1998
Citizen diplomats in Israel use active listening to help build the foundation for Jewish/Palestinian reconciliation.  Illustrates the role that listening can play in the journey toward forgiveness.
 

The Bruderhof Forgiveness Guide includes an extensive collection of essays and articles from past and present authors.  The Guide is a service offered by the Bruderhof Communities, an international movement of intentional communities committed to promoting nonviolence, forgiveness and reconciliation in personal relationships, neighborhoods, societies, and among peoples and nations.

 

ForgivenessNet, based in Scotland, exists to inspire powerful forgiveness, and to help to make ideas about forgiveness larger and deeper. Extensive collection of inspiring articles.

The Forgiveness Reading Room, a library of articles that is part of The Forgiveness Web (http://www.forgivenessweb.com/Pages/readingrm.htm)

Forgiveness Works, by Diane V. Cirincione, Ph.D. and
Jerry Jampolsky, M.D.
  (http://www.forgivenessworks.org/)

Journey Toward Forgiveness: A documentary for ABC TV
(http://www.journeytowardforgiveness.com/)

Steps Toward Forgiveness: Two articles by Fred Luskin, Ph.D.,
researcher on forgiveness, based at Stanford University.
(http://newconversations.net/essay_luskin.htm)

Choosing Forgiveness, a large library of forgiveness-related resources
sponsored The Church of Forgiveness and Life Celebration Center
(
http://www.choosingforgiveness.org/)

Worldwide Forgiveness Alliance, founded by Bob Plath (attorney in
Marin County, California), sponsor of Forgiveness Day, includes a
large library of articles on different aspects of forgiveness.
(http://www.forgivenessday.org/articles.htm)

International Forgiveness Institute was an outgrowth of the social scientific research done at the University of Wisconsin-Madison since 1985 by Robert Enright and his colleagues. Professor Enright was looking for a way to disseminate the findings of that research, and the research and writings by others exploring forgiveness, to interested people in all walks of life. The IFI has served as that forum ever since.
http://www.forgiveness-institute.org 


Books on forgiveness:
(click on title to read reviews at, and/or order from, Amazon.com)


Forgiveness: Breaking the Chain of Hate, by Michael Henderson. These heart-moving stories from around the world will permanently expand your sense of what is possible between people.

(Click here to read Gene Knudsen Hoffman's review.)

  


Forgive for Good, by Fred Luskin, PhD.  With clear and gentle steps, Dr. Luskin with guide you to "take your hurt less personally, take responsibility for how you feel, and become a hero instead of a victim in the story you tell." (Receives rave reviews on Amazon.)   Here is a brief review comment by Jan Sollish posted on Amazon:  "Forgive for Good is an invaluable tool for just about everyone. The methods Dr. Luskin teaches through his book are clear, easy to understand and implement, and incredibly powerful. The chapter in which he describes his work with the women from Northern Ireland who had lost loved ones in the fighting is so moving as to be life altering. The pain of these women, the horror of their experience, and finally their subsequent relief from some of the emotional pain they have carried for years is simply amazing. For me, this book combined a practicality of everyday life with a gentle spirituality. I have already bought it for several friends and plan to use it as a tool in my life as well."

The Forgiveness Web's Book Store


Intoductory Essay: A web page about forgiveness
by Dennis Rivers
from the Journal of Cooperative Communication Skills
Issue Ten, Spring 2002

When I started this journal several years ago, my hope was to present an ongoing series of helpful articles about interpersonal communication skills. Each one, I hoped, would introduce readers to a new, small step they could take to guide their conversations (and lives) toward cooperation, success and fulfillment.

While I do believe that the Journal's content continually points toward cooperation, success and fulfillment, the steps involved are often giant rather than small. That is true also in this issue, which is about forgiveness.

As the past few months have shown so clearly, world events don't wait until we are ready before presenting us with giant challenges. In my view, forgiveness, or the lack of it, has become one of the central crises and giant challenges of our time. Around the world, cultures in collision are locked into escalating spirals of injury and retaliation, armed with ever-more-lethal technology.

Can anything interrupt their (and our) headlong rush toward mutual destruction; can anything make a space for something new to happen? On a more personal level, many individuals who have been abused, either by their families or by the institutions that were supposed to protect them, struggle to free their lives from the burden of overwhelming resentment.

What hope is there for the healing of such lives? And even before September 11, it seems to me that America was heading into a forgiveness crisis. Two million people are incarcerated in the United States. And 1.2 million of them have not hurt anyone but themselves (through drug and alcohol abuse)! The Governor of Washington recently quipped that if incarcerations continue to increase at the current rate, by the year 2050 every person in the state of Washington will either be in prison or work for the prison system! And yet politicians around the country continue to promote their popularity by playing on the public's fear of criminals and passing laws that require even more punishment, no matter how many lives, families and school budgets are wrecked in the process.

It seems clear to me that our sense of justice needs several counterbalancing attitudes to keep from going seriously off the track.

One of them is forgiveness. These kinds of sorrows have sparked a recent worldwide movement toward forgiveness, bringing face to face the families of murder victims and those convicted of murder, torturer victims and those who have tortured, oppressed indigenous peoples and those who have oppressed them, all driven by a pain that justice promises to answer but does not.

And around the world there are small but significant experiments with restorative, rather than punitive, justice. These encounters and activities may be rare now, but they set precedents (and show human possibilities) that could change the world.

This movement toward forgiveness, a fragile development in the context of today's conflicts, needs everyone's help and participation if it is to grow and become a permanent part of life on planet Earth. This is a difficult moment for the forgiveness movement. People around the world are at this very moment being asked to support what could become a permanent state of global war, rooted in the need to punish evildoers. This is, to put it mildly, a serious predicament. One must both plead as a person and demand as a citizen, I believe, that everyone think harder about alternatives.

While I certainly agree that we must try to prevent and restrain people from committing acts of violence, I am wary of President Bush's new role as a theologian, pressing us to join a new campaign against evil around the world.  Forgiveness is about starting over, not about getting even.  Because the idea of getting even is one of humanity's most enduring illusions, leading, as it does, to an endless round of attack and counter-attack.

My first concern about the current campaign against evil is that ideas of the "evil other" can and do blind people to how they may have contributed to their own difficulties. In the current instance, Mr. Bush himself has already publicly acknowledged that American policy decisions played a central role in Afganistan's collapse into chaos and terrorism. Perspectives as varied as Buddhism, psychotherapy and biology would counsel us here that a large part of our survival power is the power to recognize our own mistakes, so that we can change our behavior and not repeat them.  So the question today is not just one of better security at airports.  The question is how did the United States' support of militant hate groups in Central Asia in the 1980s sow the seeds of the current tragedy.  And where are we sowing similar seeds today.

My second concern about a campaign against evil is that if we imagine our power to be only the power to out-bomb the evil bombers, out-shoot the evil shooters, and out-kidnap the evil kidnappers, then we will condemn ourselves to a national life focused primarily on violence, and we will become more and more like the people we have labeled as evil.  Jesus set the example of this when he asked God to forgive those who were killing him.  The issue was not the executioner's worthiness of forgiveness.  The issue, I believe, was that Jesus refused to join the haters in their hatred.

Thus, in reflecting on all of this, I can't believe that a "campaign against evil" is the best we can do, we humans. And, I understand how difficult it will be to do something really different. It looks to me as though we need some deep visions of new possibilities. These thoughts prompted me to create this new page on the Cooperative Communication web site, the Forgiveness Resources Page.

There are many institutions in the world that are promoting the practice of forgiveness, many wonderful books on the topic, and hundreds of essays and papers on the web about forgiveness. (All we need now is millions more people, living it more completely.) I am dedicating the year 2002 to be my year of studying forgiveness (and sharing what I find along the way).

I am in negotiation with a small college to offer an online course in forgiveness, a course that would pull these varied materials into a coherent pattern and encourage people to go deeper.

The information about forgiveness contained in these books and links will expand both your heart and your mind. We have recently been shaken by events of undreamed of cruelty. The stories of forgiveness in action will lift you up you with images of undreamed of kindness, as I have been lifted up this month by reading Michael Henderson's extraordinary book, Forgiveness: Breaking the Chains of Hate (given to me by Gene Knudsen Hoffman, whose essays and sourcebook on compassionate listening are in the NewConversations online Library).  (Click here to read Gene Knudsen Hoffman's review of Henderson's book.)

I hope these new sources of inspiration will give us the strength to explore how the world must change to be a world at peace, and the courage to hold the dream of human cooperation and reconciliation.



Copyright 2004 by Dennis Rivers.
Permission to make copies granted by author. May be included in course readers.
See copyright page for details.

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