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Compassionate Listening:
An Exploratory Sourcebook About Conflict Transformation

Chapter Six  --   Lesson Plans for a Course
in Compassionate Listening

Gene Knudsen Hoffman

Session One:  Compassion

  
  
  

Love has many faces in this culture. The form we're considering today is Compassion -- which is described as “to bear suffering with another; feeling for and understanding misery and suffering of others; recognizing that both victim and perpetrator are suffering people and deserve our compassion.”

This is a challenging request of anyone and it's a rocky path to walk. But, it seems to offer a new richness to one's life. First of all it was the kind of love which it appears was recommended to us in Jesus' admonition to “love your enemies; bless them that hate you; do good to them that despitefully use you.”

It appears to be counter to most of our reasoning; counter (some say) to our nature, indeed, against it. However, if we follow these truths we will, in ancient words, “save our souls;” save ourselves from a maelstrom of attack and counter attack -- for we will see how quickly, in wars, we come to resemble one another.

So, we're going to explore whether or not we can or should practice compassion today -- for it is, of course, the basis for Compassionate Listening.

The process for these sessions is that I will read a quotation from some of the deepest thinkers on the session topic. Then I will give you my questions about them for you to answer. Each of you answers these questions in your own way, from your own wisdom. This is a participatory class. I don't have the answer. We will learn from one another as we each present our insights. We do not argue or debate each other's contributions. Rather, we listen and take what we like and leave the rest. If you don't like a quotation feel free to say so. We're all new to this. We'll be uncertain, say some things we may find later, we didn't mean. But everything will be valuable and bread for this journey.

Quotes & Questions for Discussion:

1. “We have to have a deep, patient compassion for the fears of people, for the fears and irrational mania of those who hate or condemn us.” Thomas Merton

  • Why should we have a deep patient compassion for the fears of people?
  • Are there people you know for whom you wish you had a deep patient
    compassion? What are they like? Why do you wish this?
  • What might you do for them?

2. “To retain contact with the oppressors neither condones their actions, nor weakens support for and commitment to the oppressed. To work for liberation of the oppressed can be helped by communicating with the oppressors, and may free the oppressors from the degradation by which they are trapped. It cannot be realized unless there is contact with them.” Adam Curle, Quaker international mediator

  • What does this bring up for you?
  • What do you think he means by “the degradation by which they are trapped?”
  • How might we free the oppressors from the “degradation?”

3. Call me by my True Name - an excerpt from a poem by Thich Nhat Hanh:

    Please call me by my true name,

    so I can wake up,

    and so the door of my heart can be left open,

    the door of compassion.

  • Bring to mind a time when you were an oppressor. Describe it.
  • What hurts or, what unfulfilled needs were embedded in being an oppressor in this circumstance? Why did you do it?
  • What have you learned from this exercise?  
 

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