Excerpt from Gene Knudsen Hoffman's review: "There is a way the world can change from war to peace, from hatred to love. It requires a lot of effort, a lot of understanding, and it begins at home. For centuries we've been told to practice it, that it's healing for ourselves and the other, that it's a way to manifest love and courage. It brings peace to the participants. It is a brave and noble thing to do, and -- it can be very costly, costly to pride, to arrogance, to fear, to hate. Michael Henderson has written the definitive book on it and it's called: Forgiveness. Of it Desmond Tutu wrote, `A deeply moving and eloquent testimony to the power of forgiveness in the life of individuals, of communities, and between and within nations. It effects change -- a powerful book.` " [FULL REVIEW] (Price: appx. $15/new, $8/used. ISBN: 014028852X. Look for this book at your local library, order from your favorite local bookstore or click on one of the buttons below to order from the NewConversations+Amazon Books Link.)
In Becoming the Kind Father, Calvin Sandborn aims to break that cycle. His intensely personal story is heart-searing and inspirational. Brought up to fear his father's alcohol-fueled fury and hateful put-downs, the author buried his feelings and fine-tuned his own rage. His father's early death and the collapse of the author's marriage provided catalysts for change. Interspersing clever literary references with painful childhood memories, intense self-examination, and astute observations, Sandborn provides well-researched psychological findings and self-help tips, including how to: Identify and share feelings -- Treat yourself as a kind father would -- Form trusting male friendships --Break the anger habit -- Forgive the world and yourself. This guide offers helpful insight for the millions of men who want to become kinder human beings. A must-read for every woman who loves an angry or emotionally distant man. Read: Excerpt Listen: Audio Podcast Part 1 Audio Podcast Part 2 Calvin Sandborn is a journalist, author, and environmental lawyer who currently supervises the University of Victoria Environmental Law Clinic. He is also a kind father and grandfather. (Price of book: appx. $16, new. ISBN-13: 978-0865715820. Look for this book at your local library, order from your favorite local bookstore or click here to order a new or used copy from the NewConversations+Amazon Books Link.)
Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John M. Gottman, Joan Declaire, Daniel P. Goleman
* Be aware of a child's emotions Written for parents of children of all ages, Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child will enrich the bonds between parent and child and contribute immeasurably to the development of a generation of emotionally healthy adults.
(Price: appx. $16/new, $6/used. ISBN: 0961272058. Look for this book at your local library, order from your favorite local bookstore or click on one of the buttons below to order from the NewConversations+Amazon Books Link.)
The Insanity of Normality: one
of the most insightful books ever written about violence
Gruen traces this pattern of over-adaptation and smoldering rebellion through a number of case studies, sociological phenomena - from Nazism to Reaganomics - and literary works. The insanity this attitude produces, unfortunately, goes widely unrecognized precisely because it is the same cold, manipulative "realism" that modern society inculcates into its members. Gruen warns, however, that escape from this pattern lies not simply in rebellion, for the rebel remains emotionally tied to the object of his rebellion, but in the development of a personal autonomy. His elegant and far-reaching conclusion is that while autonomy is not easily attained, its absence proves catastrophic to both individual and society. "With compassion and conviction Dr. Gruen carefully exposes the undiagnosed and undisclosed insanity unwittingly accepted as normality... This is a text for leaders and followers, for conformists and rebels alike, for members of the healing professions who seek to repair the destructive fallout from our pursuit of normality and for all who strive for a more compassionate and saner social order."
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Forgive for Good, by Fred Luskin, PhD. With clear and gentle steps, Dr. Luskin with guide you to "take your hurt less personally, take responsibility for how you feel, and become a hero instead of a victim in the story you tell." Here is a brief review comment by Jan Sollish posted on Amazon: " Forgive for Good is an invaluable tool for just about everyone. The methods Dr. Luskin teaches through his book are clear, easy to understand and implement, and incredibly powerful. The chapter in which he describes his work with the women from Northern Ireland who had lost loved ones in the fighting is so moving as to be life altering. The pain of these women, the horror of their experience, and finally their subsequent relief from some of the emotional pain they have carried for years is simply amazing. For me, this book combined a practicality of everyday life with a gentle spirituality. I have already bought it for several friends and plan to use it as a tool in my life as well." (Price: appx. $12/new, $7/used. ISBN: 006251721X. Look for this book at your local library, order from your favorite local bookstore or click on one of the buttons below to order from the NewConversations+Amazon Books Link.)
The Talk Book: The Intimate Science of Communicating in Close Relationships, by Gerald Goodman and Glen Esterly. Emmaus, PA: Rodale Press. 1988. (This fine book is out of print but used copies are available from Amazon for approximately $1.00!) This book presents Goodman's vision of the six most important "Talk Tools." His chapters include lively transcripts of phone conversations showing exactly how the "Talk Tools" can help. The principles discussed are applied in both work and family contexts. Includes a great reference section that will introduce you to the most interesting and promising work in the area of interpersonal communication studies. (Look for this book at your local library, order used copy [$1-$4] by clicking on the button below, or order from UCLA Academic Publishing Service at (310) 825-2831. Price: $20.50, postage included.)
Becoming
A Kind Father: A Son's Journey
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. New York: Avon Books. 1980. A book for parents and everyone who wants to improve their communication with kids. Full of wonderfully informative cartoon sequences illustrating the major points. (Price: appx. $12.50. ISBN: 0380570009. Look for this book at your local library, order from your favorite local bookstore or click on title to order from the NewConversations+Amazon Books Link.)
Raising Your Spirited Child : A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, and Energetic. by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka Review from Amazon.com: Recently, temperament traits have come to the forefront of child development theory. In Raising Your Spirited Child, Mary Sheedy Kurcinka's first contribution is to redefine the "difficult child" as the "spirited" child, a child that is, as she says, MORE. Many people are leery about books that are too quick to "type" kids, but Kurcinka, a parent of a spirited child herself and a parent educator for 20 years, doesn't fall into that trap. Instead, she provides tools to understanding your own temperament as well as your child's. When you understand your temperamental matches--and your mismatches--you can better understand, work, live, socialize, and enjoy spirit in your child. By reframing challenging temperamental qualities in a positive way, and by giving readers specific tools to work with these qualities, Kurcinka has provided a book that will help all parents, especially the parents of spirited children, understand and better parent their children. (Price: appx. $13/new, $6/used. ISBN: 0060923288. Look for this book at your local library, order from your favorite local bookstore or click on title to order from the NewConversations+Amazon Books Link.)
Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You? by Jordan and Margaret Paul. (Minneapolis: CompCare Publishers. 1983.) This book is built around the concept of courageous honesty and the psychological insight that, in order to feel close, partners need to tell one another the truth about what they are thinking and feeling. The peace that a couple buys by avoiding difficult issues will eventually destroy the relationship they hope to protect. "The most important, useful and powerful book I have read on couple therapy since Virginia Satirs Conjoint Family Therapy. One of the rare books that is both useful to the lay audience and indispensable for the clinician." DENNIS JAFFE, PH.D., author of "Healing From Within" (Out of print, but many used copies available for less than $2. ISBN: 1568380682. Look for this book at your local library, order from your favorite local bookstore or click button below to order from the NewConversations+Amazon Books Link.)
Light in the Mirror (Ramira Publishing, Aptos, CA. 1995.), by Joyce and Barry Vissell, is subtitled "A New Way to Understand Relationships." Books of this nature are myriad. What distinguishes the Vissell's book from others is that it is grounded in the one place that truly creates understanding and thus cooperative communication - the place of vulnerability. Much of the advice and guidance in self-help and mainstream psychology is predicated on communicational technique but technique, absent a true commitment to honesty and self-disclosure about feelings, cannot be effective. For any technique to work, there must be an underlying openness to change which can only happen when two people are willing to share with each other their fears, doubts, uncertainties, shames and guilts - in short - their vulnerability. And this kind of sharing often doesn't happen because one or both people are afraid the other will use their vulnerability as ammunition during times of disagreement.
On Becoming a Person: A Therapist's View of Psychotherapy, by Carl R. Rogers. (Boston: Houghton Mifflin. 1995.) A classic (first published in 1961), scholarly but very readable book on the challenges of becoming a more authentic person who is open to new experience. Rogers was a pioneer advocate of the healing power of supportive listening in both psychotherapy and everyday life. His most revolutionary idea was that Therapist did not have to 'fix' the client; if Therapist simply provided a deeply accepting environment and LISTENED, the client's own sense of inner rightness would come into play and guide the client to find a solution that was right for him/her. (Price: appx. $15.00. ISBN: 039575531X. Look for this book at your local library, order from your favorite local bookstore or click on one of the buttons below to order from the NewConversations+Amazon Books Link.)
Narrative Therapy: The Social Construction of
Love & Survival : 8 Pathways to Intimacy and Health, by Dean Ornish, MD. (New York: HarperCollins. 1998.) If you are wondering about how much energy to put into close, nurturing relationships, this book will provide you with a mountain of amazing evidence that supportive relationships make a life and death difference in people's lives. As Dr. Andrew Weil comments, "This is the most important book ever written about love and health." (List price, appx $16.00 ISBN: 0060930209. Look for this book at your local library, order from your favorite local bookstore or click on one of the buttons below to order from the NewConversations+Amazon Books Link.)
In The
Insanity of Normality, the psychoanalyst Arno Gruen challenges the assumption, made popular by Freud in the twentieth century, that humans are born with an innate tendency to destruction and violence. Gruen argues instead that at the root of evil lies self-hatred, a rage originating in a self-betrayal that begins in childhood, when autonomy is surrendered in exchange for the "love" of those who wield power over us. To share in that subjugating power, we create a false self, a
pleasing-to-others image of ourselves that springs from powerful and deep-seated hopes
of being loved and fears
of being injured and humiliated.
